Up Is a Long Way

You’re not as different as you feel.

7 Sentences You Need When You’ve Been Knocked Off Your Feet

I don’t know what it is that knocked you off your feet, but I know most of us have something sooner or later. Whatever it is, I do know that getting back up can be as hard as the falling down.

Please excuse me for what may not exactly fit your situation. I’ll do my best to try to write to the middle of the normal curve.

Here are seven sentences that you might need to say to yourself regularly, maybe many times, so that you can get back up off the ground.

Honestly, the sentences don’t go down that easily. They are hard to make stick, so after each one I’ve included an expanded script that you should speak to yourself to help the sentence sink in, kind of like a digestive enzyme.

Oh, and one more thing. You really should consider saying these sentences out loud to yourself, at least one. Right. Sorry about that. You will likely find that part strange or difficult, but I don’t make the rules. We simply need to say some things to ourselves out loud so that “the whole class” gets the message. We are really that complicated.

So what are you gonna do?

1. You are not as different as you feel.

So, you are ready to make the journey out of this? You are desperate to make the journey out of this? You have felt this before, the I-must-beat-this feeling. What will be different this time? I will tell you.

This time I will not leave you to do it alone. I will not forget you. I will not give up on you. I will remind you a hundred or a thousand times of things you would say you know, but have not been able to keep in your hands. I will keep picking them up when they clatter to the floor. I will pry open your fingers if I need to and give them to you again, and again, and again, until the clattering sound reminds you, not of something being lost, but of something being given and held.

You are tired, more than tired, worn, threadbare. You are afraid, at times even terrified. You are sad, hopeless, discouraged, lonely, angry, numb, guilty, ashamed.

All of those emotions and more have trudged by so often, with such heavy steps, that deep trenches, even ravines, have scarred your landscape and you despair of ever seeing the fields and meadows that are such a remote memory you wonder whose memories they are.

The depth and length of your pain has broken you off from other people, the people who live in that other world beyond the glass wall,

where pain hurts but is bearable,

where disappointment stings but goes away.

I know.

Here is what I remind you of today. People feel this way, the way you do. People have felt this way and people will continue to feel this way in the future. It is a human experience. You are not as different as you feel. The glass wall is not as thick and impenetrable as it seems.

You have sustained injuries. Your design allows you to withstand injury and suffer immense pain and still recover, to still be as human as anyone else that you see around you. You are the most advanced technology we have found in the universe. It would be okay for you to trust the design a little bit more.

You still belong here on earth with everyone else. You’re still one of us.

2. Make your life full right now.

Yes, you have losses,

people, opportunities, things, places.

There are things you will never get a second shot at. But don’t be so sure you know exactly which things those are. You wouldn’t want the opportunity to show up and be unprepared because you wrote it off. But you also don’t want to keep trying to relive something that you should let go of.

The fuller your life is now, the less those losses will sting. And by sting, I mean wipe you out. You know the ones.

You know how you get wiped out by wishing it had gone differently, being angry about how it went, punishing yourself or others for how it went.

Make your life full. You don’t have to convince yourself that those weren’t really losses. They were. Hurt about them when you need to, but not every time you can. Because you always can.

Make your life full now.

3. You can’t see around corners.

Corners. Remember those?

Life has corners you can’t see around. Think of one of the times in your life when something good, very good, happened and you didn’t even see it coming. It was around the corner and you didn’t even suspect it. In fact, you didn’t even know there was a corner ahead.

There are more ahead.

You may not see the corners and you certainly don’t see the good things around the other side. But that didn’t stop that good thing from coming into your life before. I guarantee you there is a corner up ahead. Don’t be so overconfident that there is no good thing around the next corner.

Remember your limitations in telling the future. And remember how caught off guard you were before by not expecting something good.

Be ready this time.

4. Write it down and put it up.

Okay, let’s talk about some very practical things. And be ready to hear some inner objections. You know how you should eat and exercise. And you know how important it is. Don’t punish yourself by acting like it doesn’t matter.

Yes, I said, “punish yourself.”

Don’t punish yourself out of guilt. Don’t hurt yourself out of anger. Don’t commit slow suicide out of fear.

People who are excited about their future and think they have something important to accomplish in the world tend to take care of themselves and their bodies. They know they have to be around and want to be around.

Where have you gotten off track?

Do you want to be around? Do you believe there are important things for you to do? How long do you really want your body to last? Do you think people will be better off if you are here or if you are gone? Think of specific people in your life. Will they be better off if you are healthy or unhealthy? Hey, think about those who you suspect don’t even like you. Would you like them to hear that you are taking care of yourself or letting yourself go?

Think about it.

You need to put some things in writing, a food journal and an exercise journal. This is not a to-do list. It is a done list. An important distinction. And the reason it has to be on actual paper is because you need to put it up in a place where you can’t possibly avoid seeing it.

This is all part of stacking the deck in your favor. Yes, I know you have some very logical-sounding reasons why that is impractical or unnecessary. But really, this is important. And you know you need to do something new to break out of the pattern you’re in. Right?

So starting today, you will write down what you eat and the exercise you do. That’s it. But start easy on the exercise. I’ve seen your attempts before. Go easy. Think of the long term. And yes, that little snack that you think doesn’t matter? It does.

Write it down. Put it up. Drink water. Go to bed on time.

All of that matters now because you are finding your path out of this.

You want that, right?

Right?

Do these things. Your body will work better. Your mind will work better. You will feel like you are accomplishing something.

You are finding your way out.

5. You will make it to shore.

I want you to stop what you’re doing.

Sit down and really listen to me. Turn off the music. Shut the door. Go in another room. Get away from people, whatever you have to do. Okay? I have your attention?

I know you feel like there are parts of you that are broken, crushed, can’t be put back together. You have lost so much and you are afraid of losing even more. I know that you are hurt more than people know, but I also know that you are stronger than you think you are.

You are not going to give up and I am not going to give up on you.

I know there are times when your heart turns to water and your mind wants to close its eyes to everything and never open them again. This is more than a wave. It is high tide. You strain your neck to keep your head above water. But you are breathing and you can see shore. You are not going under. You are not going to drown.

At times like this you need to move toward shore even if it is inch by inch. The shoreline will always be there. Your panicked thoughts will tell you otherwise, but you can’t trust them completely. Turn the volume down on all of your thoughts except the one that says, “I will make it to shore.” That one thought is all you need at these times.

Your body will keep breathing if you let it.

All you need to hear is, “I will make it to shore.”

6. Trust the image someone else has of you.

You have people who believe in you.

True, some have misunderstood you, even hurt you. But you have people who believe in you. What do they see? What is the picture they have of you? I know you have your own picture of yourself, but my guess is that the injuries have distorted that a bit, maybe even a lot.

Okay, it’s not just a guess. I know that fear and discouragement over time warp the way we see ourselves. That picture you have of yourself, the one that makes you lose heart, it’s wrong, twisted, out of proportion.

Borrow someone else’s for a while. At least look at it. Don’t be overconfident in your own ability to accurately see yourself because lately you have been mistaken,

and it’s hurting you.

There are plenty of legitimate reasons for pain in the world. Your blurred and smudged self-image is not one of them. Turn your eyes away from it for a while.

Trust the opinion of people who believe in you.

7. Your imagination is there to help you instead of hurt you.

There are things you can imagine being different. That’s one of the things that sets us apart from the lower animals in creation. We can imagine.

It’s a blessing and a curse.

You can imagine if-onlys, what could have been. It’s an almost unlimited resource for emotional pain. Don’t turn that weapon on yourself. Use it to help yourself. Imagine what can still be, based on what you can do today.

Paint that picture, an almost unlimited resource for hope.

Do you really believe we have imagination just so we could torture ourselves? Instead, imagine what things could be like a month from now if you stay on this journey. What could it be like a year from now?

Imagine good things.